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How to Rub Clit?

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If you’re a vagina owner, you’re likely aware that your clitoris is a reported “magic button,” which can give you orgasms capable of solving world peace and ending world hunger. Yes, the clit exists and yes, it can give you earth shattering orgasms but it’s all a little more complicated than that.

Hear me out: Rubbing your clit is vastly underappreciated. It is, by far, the easiest way to masturbate (you only need your fingers!), its quiet (unless youre moaning, in which case, good 4 u!), and its 100% freeno purchase required. But its easy to forget about the benefits of clitoral rubbing when were so delightfully spoiled by vibrators. And although vibes really do just hit different, knowing how to rub your clit in a way that works for you should be a top skill in your masturbation tool kit. (What else are you gonna do when your trusty vibe runs out of battery mid-masturbation sesh?)

Once you reach your genitals, start with the external labia and move inward. Fehr also suggests varying the level and speed of your touch, from light to firm, or slow to fast. ONeill suggests gently gripping the skin between your thumb and pointer finger and experimenting with pressure until you find something that feels pleasurable for you.

Sex and relationships educator Kate McCombssuggests putting a quarter-sized drop of lube on your fingers and using it to gently massage your clitoris. You can also put your fingers on either side of your clitoris and move slowly up and down your inner labia, AKA the folds of skin immediately surrounding your clit. At the end of the day, vibrators are a great option for people whose hands get tired or, let’s be real, if you happen to have long fingernails.

And if you have a clitoris, the more you know about it, the more options youll be able to explore en route to achieving satisfaction. (Or, if youre aiming to please someone who has a clitoris, you can work with your partner to discover the techniques that take them to tingle town.)

Pleasuring yourself has health benefits that go beyond the body it can help untangle shame that affects confidence with yourself, partnered sex, or in a relationship. So begin to stroke around your clitoris, touching your labia without directly going for the clit for a bit until you feel ready for that type of stimulation.

Before we go any further on this stimulating topic, weve got to debunk the inaccurate concept that the clitoris is just a mini, pea-sized version of the penis. The full anatomy of the clitoris looks like an upside-down flower with large petals extending inside the body that embrace the vaginal canal. According to Our Bodies Ourselves , you should try reaching about a third of the way from the vaginal opening and playing with a mix of pressure and stimulation on the front (or upper) wall to see what feels good.

Dont get frustrated if vaginal penetration doesnt make you come, even if youve found that extra sensitive internal trigger spot. In a recent study on the female orgasm, only 18 percent of American women said that vaginal penetration alone could give them the big O. Frame the question around how invested you are in discovering their pleasure points and taking the time to do so without placing pressure on them to perform.

Experimenting (with consent), vocalizing (no, you dont have to be a screamer unless you want to), and listening to desires are all equally important when it comes to having sex with someone. Kneel on a pillow on the floor and lean your bod against the mattress so you dont have to balance with one arm. It can help if your bae is in a seated or slightly reclined position when you straddle them and slide up and down, rubbing your clit and hood on their pubic bone or belly.

For added oomph, you or your partner can place a lubed-up finger or thumb beneath the clit. Keep in mind that weve only had 3-D imagery of the full clitoral structure for about a decade when researchers finally produced a sonography of it. That means before 2008, not much was understood about the clits really cool internal parts and how they interact with the rest of the genital area.

She earned her Master of Science in journalism from Northwesterns Medill and is working on her first fiction novel, set in her native state of North Dakota.

Ever get a case of bedroom dj vu? Once you discover a few no-fail tricks for touching and rubbing your partner’s vagina and bringing them to orgasm, its hard not to fall into a sexual routine.

By contrast, if you switch things up, you may find that your partner’s experience is more satisfying, since delaying their orgasm can make it stronger, says Brandon. Plus, novel experiences elevate dopamine in the brain, and that promotes bonding, adds Yvonne Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Touch Me Here .

Early on in your encounterbefore they’ve gotten so turned on that her hood retractsgive the hot spoton her vagina a little love: Trace their inner labia upwards until you find the fold just above their clitoris, and stroke it with your fingertips, making sure your digits are sufficiently slick with lube . When they’re ready for direct clitoral contact, you can use your thumb to push that skin up a little bit toward her belly button, says Brandon. The clitoris is so much more than that little bud you see at the top of the labia; the wishbone-shaped organ actually extends up to five inches inside the body, and you can stimulate it with that classic “come-hither” motion you’ve probably heard about before.

Take long vertical strokes along the vaginal opening, but don’t go inside, says Dr. Uchenna UC Ossai, Pelvic PT, certified sexuality counselor and founder of YouSeeLogic . You can move slowly in the beginning, going both clockwise and counter-clockwise, and then gradually increase speed and intensity per feedback from your partner. If your partner prefers deep penetration, they probably enjoy the sensation of cervical contactand a penis or dildo isnt the only part of their body that can reach it.

But the typical vagina is not that long. So insert your finger until you cant go any further, and gently massage their cervix, applying more pressure only if they responds with pleasure. But that doesnt mean hands-off altogether: Use two or three fingers to work your way in and out, but make sure youre not just going up and downfirmly rub against the lower vaginal canal, says Fulbright. Rhythmic motions are typically the most pleasurable ones for people with a vulvaand stimulating the sensitive skin next to their clitoris is an easy way to build arousal and anticipation for an orgasm, she says.

This trick gives whole new meaning to the cowgirl position: Have your partner sit on top of your inner arm, so their vulva is resting on your wrist and lower forearm. Not only will opening your partner up give you better access to the pleasure zones of their vagina, it will make them feel a little vulnerablewhich can be highly arousing. The ideal scenario: Your partner is wearing satin panties, not cotton, which will easily glide across their genitals as you stimulate them, says Fulbright.

Watching your partner masturbate is the ultimate way to learn what they likebut that level of vulnerability can be pretty intimidating for some people. So put their hand on top of yours, and try this line: Show me what you like, baby. Do this in a sexy waynot an Im confused, help me out, kind of way, says Brandon. Brandon suggests lightly pinching it, then rubbing it in a circular motion between your fingers, as if you were wadding up a piece of gum.

Is the G-spot really another C-spot?

That elusive ‘G-spot’ is not hiding inside the vagina like a secret unicorn.Research indicates that it’s likely the place where your clitoris meets the anterior (front) vaginal wall. This is where the clit’s bulbs form a heart shape that hugs the canal.So for people who have vaginas, If you’re wondering how to find that spot internally without turn-by-turn directions from Siri, you’re not alone.According to Our Bodies Ourselves, you should try reaching about a third of the way from the vaginal opening and playing with a mix of pressure and stimulation on the front (or upper) wall to see what feels good. It may take some practice and experimentation to locate.Don’t get frustrated if vaginal penetration doesn’t make you come, even if you’ve found that extra sensitive internal trigger spot.In a recent study on the female orgasm, only 18 percent of American women said that vaginal penetration alone could give them the big O. Other respondents in the study said they either needed direct clit stim (about 37 percent) to get them there, or that it greatly ramped up their climaxing pleasure (about 36 percent).Knowing every part of your clitoris is kind of like putting together a unique outfit. Each of our bodies and the makeup below is different.For some people, playing with the clitoral hood brings pleasure, while for others, the vestibular bulbs bring on all the sensation. You don’t have to address every part, just the ones that work for you.And that may change as you age or explore, and it may be different when you’re with a new partner.If you’re the clitoris owner, don’t be shy about letting on about your stimulation likes or dislikes. There’s also no shame in making all the contact you want with your own clit during a sexual encounter!If you’re dating someone with a clitoris, don’t be afraid to ask about your partner’s desires too. Frame the question around how invested you are in discovering their pleasure points and taking the time to do so — without placing pressure on them to perform.Experimenting (with consent), vocalizing (no, you don’t have to be a screamer unless you want to), and listening to desires are all equally important when it comes to having sex with someone.That go-to spot that felt good last week? It may have moved two inches over to a new spot!You just never know, and that’s why we’re giving out all the options on giving and receiving clitoral stimulation.

Be handsy

Many penetrating positions (whether using a penis, hand, or toy) allow for either a partner’s hand, your own hand, or even both, to play with the clitoris and clitoral hood.

Pillow props

Grind your clit on an artfully placed pillow or bunched-up blankets while your partner penetrates your vagina with a penis, toy, or fingers from behind.

Furniture fun

Use the furniture for support, especially when you want to stimulate yourself with your hand during a from-behind penetration.Kneel on a pillow on the floor and lean your bod against the mattress so you don’t have to balance with one arm. A headboard or sofa back work well too.

Ride and glide

Your partner’s pelvis is a great tool for clit stim. It can help if your bae is in a seated or slightly reclined position when you straddle them and slide up and down, rubbing your clit and hood on their pubic bone or belly.For added oomph, you or your partner can place a lubed-up finger or thumb beneath the clit. Vaginal penetration with a penis or toy is optional but can heighten the fun.

Reverse the ride

The reverse cowgirl position has you straddling your partner, facing away from them. If you and your partner both have a clitoris, slide several pillows under your partner’s pelvis to do the ride and glide in reverse while also tilting their clit toward you for easy hand or even oral access.If your partner has a penis, opt for vaginal penetration. Your partner can also reach a hand around and stimulate your clit, or you can do it the way you like best.

Thigh high

This is a twist on the reverse cowgirl position. Instead of straddling both your partner’s legs, straddle just one.Your partner should bend their knee so you can ride up and down the thigh. Vaginal penetration with a penis, hands, or toy works well here.

Find the G-spot.

There’s a little flap of skin that covers the clitoris when your partner is not fully aroused—and it’s begging to be played with. “The clitoral hood is actually an extension of the inner lips,” says Fulbright. “It can be its own feel-good spot.”Early on in your encounter—before they’ve gotten so turned on that her hood retracts—give the hot spotWhen they’re ready for direct clitoral contact, “you can use your thumb to push that skin up a little bit toward her belly button,” says Brandon.

Cup the vagina.

Your partner’s outer labia may not be as sensitive as the rest of their parts—and that means it’s a prime place to start when you’re warming them up for an orgasm.When you’re making out, slip a hand down south and simply cup their vagina, pressing lightly. “This starts the blood flow and begins the process of arousal,” says Brandon. “It’s a gentle way to bring her into the experience.”

Play on their mound.

First, an anatomy lesson: Atop the pubic bone, there’s a mound of fatty tissue where their pubic hair grows called the mons pubis. “When you play with the mons pubis, you can indirectly stimulate the clitoris,” says Fulbright.To wake up the region, use the heel of your hand to press downward on the mound, in the direction of their clitoris.

Give a massage.

Before you part the outer lips of your partner’s vagina, give the lips a little attention. “Take long vertical strokes along the vaginal opening, but don’t go inside,” says Dr. Uchenna “UC” Ossai, Pelvic PT, certified sexuality counselor and founder of That said, taking your time before touching their clit can do wonders for their arousal—so press their labia majora between your thumb and index finger, rubbing back and forth with a gentle massaging motion, then gently tug their lips upward.If your partner doesn’t shave, you can even lightly pull at their pubic hair, Fulbright suggests.

Circle their clitoris.

As tempting as it is to race to your partner’s clitoris, tease them a little before touching down.First, apply a little lube—hint: simply dip a digit into their vagina—to the padded part of your finger, and circle their clitoris, applying a firm, consistent pressure.“Experiment with both large and small circles around the clitoris,” Dr. UC says. “You can move slowly in the beginning, going both clockwise and counter-clockwise, and then gradually increase speed and intensity per feedback from your partner.”“The circling motion is one of the most popular with women during masturbation,” Fulbright adds.

Caress the cervix.

If your partner prefers deep penetration, they probably enjoy the sensation of cervical contact—and a penis or dildo isn’t the only part of their body that can reach it.“When she’s excited, the cervix does pull back some,” says Brandon. “But the typical vagina is not that long.” So insert your finger until you can’t go any further, and gently massage their cervix, applying more pressure only if they responds with pleasure.“It can be really, really sensitive, so try it gently,” Brandon warns.

Re-angle their body.

Stick with your standard way of stimulating your partner—the one that really gets them going—but switch up the position.“It will feel different because a woman’s body is so supremely sensitive that these little shifts can be pretty dramatic to her,” says Brandon. “She’s also going to have a different emotional reaction to what you’re doing.”In other words, if your partner is normally lying on their back when you get them off with an orgasm, trying the same technique on all fours can feel more animalistic. So get creative: Have them lean against a wall, bend over the kitchen counter, or stand up straight—then execute the move they love best.

Stimulate the vaginal opening.

Unless you’re a high-school boy, you’ve learned by now that ordinary fingering—just gliding in and out—doesn’t do much for your partner. But that doesn’t mean hands-off altogether: “Use two or three fingers to work your way in and out, but make sure you’re not just going up and down—firmly rub against the lower vaginal canal,” says Fulbright.You can even linger in the opening of their vagina, moving your fingers in a circular motion, without ever taking them out completely. “Most of the nerve endings are in the lower third of her vagina,” says Brandon. “Women like to feel really full at the opening.”

Play the piano.

Place your index finger on one side of their clitoris, your middle finger on the other side, and pretend you’re playing the piano, going back and forth, from side to side, suggests Fulbright.Rhythmic motions are typically the most pleasurable ones for people with a vulva—and stimulating the sensitive skin next to their clitoris is an easy way to build arousal and anticipation for an orgasm, she says.Eventually, you can move one finger so it’s on top of the clitoris itself for a more intense version of this move.

Use your hands during cowgirl.

This trick gives whole new meaning to the cowgirl position: Have your partner sit on top of your inner arm, so their vulva is resting on your wrist and lower forearm.“Place your hand between her legs and cup her butt,” says Fulbright. Then have them grind against your arm, and once they’ve established a rhythm, move your arm to match the pace and intensity they prefer.“You’re able to touch a lot more surface area—it allows the whole area to come alive, instead of just one particular spot,” she says. Plus, the vaginal stimulation tends to be less direct—and therefore more tolerable for super-sensitive people.

Sweep the region.

When you’re warming your partner up, graze your whole hand down the length of their vulva, using long, sweeping strokes.Keep it fleeting—don’t worry about hitting all her nooks and crannies along the way. “If you’re dipping inside, it’s harder to make things rhythmic and smooth,” says Fulbright. “There’s one thing that women tell me gets them off: being rhythmic and consistent.”

Keep their panties on.

Yes, you’re eager to strip your partner down, but leaving their panties on can add a little pleasurable friction to your touch. (It’s also great if your partner is highly sensitive and prefers more indirect contact.)The ideal scenario: Your partner is wearing satin panties, not cotton, which will easily glide across their genitals as you stimulate them, says Fulbright.Once they’re fully aroused, continue the action by pushing their panties aside, instead of removing them, Brandon suggests. “That has the high-school feel to it—‘I’m doing something wrong because my clothes are still on,’ ” she says.Admit it: That’s hot.

Let your partner lead the way.

Watching your partner masturbate is the ultimate way to learn what they like—but that level of vulnerability can be pretty intimidating for some people.So put their hand on top of yours, and try this line: “Show me what you like, baby.” “Do this in a sexy way—not an ‘I’m confused, help me out,’ kind of way,” says Brandon. Let them guide your hand—and be sure to make mental notes along the way to their orgasm.

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