It can happen to any of us: One day, you‘re minding our own business and then your ex contacts you. Be it via text, Facebook, Instagram, or in person, this kind of run-in can make for a super awkward conversation, depending on how you handle it.
You may feel an urgency to respond right away, but slowing down can make sure that you‘re happy with your response to your ex and that you are actually ready to handle speaking with them. “You may have a strong emotional reaction if you hear from an ex you haven’t spoken to in a long time, whether it be joy, sadness, or anger,” Lindsey Pratt, LMHC, a therapist in NYC who specializes in relationships , told INSIDER.
mimagephotography/Shutterstock When crafting your response, you may be tempted to lay it all on the table, but experts told INSIDER it’s better to keep things light and breezy at first especially if you don’t know what their intentions are. Sony Pictures
No matter how you decide to approach the contact that’s been made, don’t rush things. “If you plan on reconnecting with your ex, set clear boundaries on what you hope to achieve from rebuilding a friendship or relationship,” said Marline Francois-Madden, LCSW and CEO of Hearts Empowerment Counseling Center. ”
A whirlwind romance may seem like a good thing, but be sure not get swept up in the idea of an on-again, off-again relationship. There are legitimate reasons to try again after a break up, but if you constantly find yourself in this push-pull, neither of you are getting the kind of love and cherishing you deserve.” “If an ex reaches out, there are certain scenarios where it would be completely appropriate to entertain the idea of getting back together,” Erica Gordon, founder of The Babe Report, told INSIDER.
In that cas,e any type of communication can send the impression that your ex has a chance,” Dr. Benjamin Ritter, founder of Live for Yourself Consulting , and The Breakup Supplement told INSIDER.
What does it mean when your ex reaches out to you?
A Part Of Them Misses You. Even though your ex broke up with you, the reaching out is an indication there’s a part of them that misses you – even if they don’t say that in their message or call. What it doesn’t necessarily mean, is that they want to get back together.
How should I respond when my ex reaches out?
Don’t immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. Don’t get comfortable and slide back into old habits. Take your time when it comes to responding.
Why would an ex text you out of the blue?
He just broke up with someone.. If a man you dated a while ago texts you out of the blue, he might have just broken up with his until-now current flame. Feeling wounded, he wants to reconnect with you, no matter how briefly, to simply feel loved again. He remembers you fondly, so he texts you to see what’s up.
How do you know if your ex secretly wants you back?
They’re Trying To Get To Know You Again. ….They’re The One Reaching Out. ….They’re Sharing What’s Going On In Their Life. ….They Ask About Your Dating Life. ….They Act Jealous. ….They Share Their Relationship Status. ….They Stay Connected On Social Media.
I read that line shortly after my first breakup and I laughed a little bit. If you can understand that your ex–girlfriend is reaching out to you with a reason, youll be much better off than the man who doesnt.
Without a massive fucking dose of outcome independence , youre much more likely to reply to her in a needy way, which will absolutely ruin your chances of getting her back. Your ex–girlfriend is reaching out to ask about your dating life , because she wants to keep you as a backup /get back together with you.
What usually happens is shell re-enter the
dating market and start meeting new men. Each guy in her orbit has a score
based on how he looks, how hes made her feel, how long shes been exposed to
him. You get negative points for being ugly, for displaying needy and supplicating behavior, and being new to her or her circle.
The funny thing that happens with time is that your score will slowly start to rise if youre doing everything right . While her Tinder and Hinge
profiles are getting tons of matches, shell be busy ignoring most of them. Shes been constantly assailed by countless hordes of
supplicating beta-pleasers who are the least exciting thing to her.
Odds are though, shell end up disliking him for one reason or another and will begin plotting her escape. As her boytoy does more things wrong than he does right , shell start thinking of you again, and suddenly your phone will buzz. We call this
monkeybranching, where a woman moves from one man to another, like swinging
through the tree branches.
The best way to check if your ex–girlfriend falls into the golden parachute category is to invite her over to your place. Hey, Id love to catch up, why dont you come over and lets make something to eat will work just fine. If she tries to change the plans you should just mention that youve had a long day at work/school and just want to relax at home.
If she feeds you some BS reason that she cant come to see you, and either keeps the conversation going or falls off the map, shes reaching out to you for validation only. Quiet and introspective
girls may only require a few close friends, while hardcore sluts often need
teams of men working in shifts to please them. You can spend hours validating her and complimenting her only for her to turn her back on you once shes had her fill and leave you alone afterward.
If she doesnt take the bait on coming back to your place, you quickly end the conversation and return to no-contact . The frequency will decline rapidly afterward, as your ex–girlfriend meets new men and converts them into orbiters. A few weeks later, I ran into one of her mutual friends at a networking event,
who casually mentioned she had just broken up with her boyfriend and she had
been texting him.
Our poor orbiter will give her plenty of validation and get nothing for
it in return except for blue balls. Considering youre supposed to give her stuff back as soon as
you guys break up, you shouldnt run into this problem, but I digress. Ive personally experienced several women leaving
things behind at my place to have a reason to contact me later.
Assuming shes seeking validation will also keep you from
overrating her interest in you, which is a critical factor in attracting her
back, if thats your goal.
Using the no contact rule is one of the most powerful tools a person can use for making an ex want them back, but it has to be used properly in order for it to yield the results we want! While it is a challenging tool, it is also one of the absolute best. As with anything of true value in life, it requires investment of your time and energy. If you can stick to it, even when you are presented with challenges, you will see that it will make a big difference in your attempt at getting back together with this person.
This tool consists of cutting contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend for a predetermined amount of time ranging from about three weeks to three months. The length of time depends on the complexity of the breakup, and if you arent sure about how long you should do this, please dont hesitate to get in touch with us right here .
We are specialized in getting people back together and work with clients on a daily basis to design and put into motion the most effective action plan possible. That means no texts, no calls, no likes on Instagram, no DMs, no pokes, no tweets, no emails, no telegrams, no smoke signals, no carrier pigeons, no accidentally running into your ex, nada! Human beings have a terrible habit of taking things for granted when theyre easily accessible.
For more in-depth information on how to use the no contact rule and how to bounce back from this breakup so that you can make an even stronger comeback, just click the links ! Though you might feel destabilized by this curveball when youve been handling your no contact period, I dont want you to panic. If you were clingy and needy while you were together, and even if you were begging and pleading your ex to take you back after the breakup took place and they reach out during your no contact period , continuing to ignore them isnt such a bad thing.
If you know that youre just looking for an excuse to get in touch with your ex because you miss him or her, but you were not overly negligent in the relationship, I encourage you to stick to your guns and ride it out. Sticking with your game plan and not bending the rules will ensure that the odds of getting back together with your ex will be entirely in your favor!
If your ex contacted you during no contact years after the breakup, you have an important decision to make. You can either become your exs friend, an acquaintance who talks to an ex once in a while, or you can ask your ex not to reach out and keep moving on.
whether you think your ex can make a good friend how much emotional progress youve made since the breakup and how much respect you have for your ex I know it can feel tempting to converse with your ex and convince your ex youve changed, matured, and become a better version of yourself , but thats not why exes reach out after years.
Dumpers just dont care if youve changed or not because when they reach out, they have no expectations of you and still see you the way they saw you prior to the breakup. In todays article, well discuss why an ex would contact you years after the breakup and how to respond to specific reach outs. apologize appease guilt become friends with you get a favor from you get back at you or express regret and romantic feelings
When your ex-boyfriend or ex–girlfriend contacts you years later, your ex finally gets over the anger, disgust, contempt, or suffocation caused by unhealthy perceptions and becomes okay with talking with you. Your ex may not want you back, but when it takes your ex years to reach out, you can tell that your ex has been thinking about you for so long that he or she changed some opinions of you and mustered up the courage to contact you. His or her inquiries, requests, or demands, as well as the approach and attitude your ex chooses will soon reveal why your ex contacted you after so many years.
Just ask, Why did you reach out to me after all this time? Your ex will likely be at a loss of words at first, but soon either give you the truth or half-truth. When you receive a response to Why did you reach out, discern if your ex means what he or she says by paying attention to your exs attitude. Observe the way he or she speaks to you and see how long it takes for your ex to lose interest and stop talking.
But if your ex keeps messaging you afterward and shows a lot of interest in you in one way or another, then your ex probably wants to be friends or is gathering the courage to ask you out again. When you receive a text or call from an ex years after the breakup, the very first thing you must do is learn why your ex reached out to you. But if youre still hurting over the loss of your relationship or if you dont respect your ex enough to be friends, politely say that youre not interested in friendship at this moment and that youll let your ex know if you change your mind.
An ex could disappear by ignoring you or by ending the conversation and staying out of contact afterward. Some dumpers break up with their partners, enjoy their lives, date other people for a while, and then realize they arent happy. Such dumpers often get nostalgic, hurt, and depressed so they contact an ex they used to be close to and come running back faster than greased lightning.
He or she can take their pain and sorrow away and give them what they need to feel safe and comfortable. If the dumper realizes your worth, he or she could learn to respect you again and make you into the most valuable person in his or her life.
Think about how it will affect you.
This can be a super painful experience, one that could offer closure or one that starts a rekindled relationship. Think about what you want out of the communication first and how it will affect you first before you respond.”Know that you are under no obligation to respond,” Meg Josephson, LCSW, told INSIDER. “Often, old relationships carry with them old wounds and unanswered questions. If you feel that making contact could bring this up for you and threaten your hard-earned happiness, take a pass! The amazing part of being out of the relationship is that you are only responsible for doing things that work for YOU, without regard to how it feels to them.”
Take your time responding.
You may feel an urgency to respond right away, but slowing down can make sure that you‘re happy with your response to your ex and that you are actually ready to handle speaking with them.”You may have a strong emotional reaction if you hear from an ex you haven’t spoken to in a long time, whether it be joy, sadness, or anger,” Lindsey Pratt, LMHC, a therapist in NYC who specializes in relationships, told INSIDER. “However, try to pause before replying — it will help you gather your thoughts and become less reactive in your reply. Keep in mind, too, that this may be the only re-opened communication for a while, so being sure of how you want to respond is important.
Keep your response light.
When crafting your response, you may be tempted to lay it all on the table, but experts told INSIDER it’s better to keep things light and breezy at first — especially if you don’t know what their intentions are.”If your relationship was basically healthy and ended due to bad timing, different paths at the time, life events, etc., then being open to this contact could be a comfortable and right move,” said psychotherapist, relationship coach, and divorce mediator Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC. “If so, keeping your response light and open-ended in order to get more information on why they are reaching out now, is the best move. This way you gather information before making any assumptions or saying anything you may regret later.”
Be open and honest with them.
No matter how the conversation goes, be sure that you‘re open and honest from the get-go. No matter how you want the talk to go, making sure everyone is on the same page can only be a good thing.
Think about if you’re leading them on.
If they want to get back together with you and make that known, and you don’t feel the same way, be sure that communicating back to them won’t hurt them.”There’s also a chance that you don’t care about your ex anymore and your ex cares about you. In that cas,e any type of communication can send the impression that your ex has a chance,” Dr. Benjamin Ritter, founder of Live for Yourself Consulting, and The Breakup Supplement told INSIDER. “If you have an ex that still wants a relationship with you, then you need to pull back any engagement with that person, especially if you are dating someone else.”
Understanding what No Contact is
As I began saying above, in order for the NC Rule to fully work, it needs to be used correctly. To do so, we need to understand what the no contact rule is exactly.This tool consists of cutting contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend for a predetermined amount of time ranging from about three weeks to three months. The length of time depends on the complexity of the breakup, and if you aren’t sure about how long you should do this, please don’t hesitate to While you use this technique, you are to cut communication entirely. That means no texts, no calls, no likes on Instagram, no DMs, no pokes, no tweets, no emails, no telegrams, no smoke signals, no carrier pigeons, no “accidentally” running into your ex, nada!If you’re wondering, “Human beings have a terrible habit of taking things for granted when they’re easily accessible. Up until now, your ex has probably felt like they can have you around whenever they feel like it – especially if they were the ones to pull the plug on the relationship. When they’re forced to have some distance and time to think, they will start to make some pretty big realizations.Now the key for making that work is to make sure that you are using this time wisely. While you’re using NC, you’ve got to focus on your own wellbeing and personal development. Now is the time to prioritize making yourself happy and becoming the 2.0 version of yourself. For more in-depth information on how to use the no contact rule and how to bounce back from this breakup so that you can make an even stronger comeback,