Why Are U Still Single?


There are a lot of great things about being single a sense of freedom and independence, not being held accountable to a partner, and being able to take a dip into the dating pool (if thats even what you want at this point in your life). But its not all positives. And if theres one thing that single people despise most, its being asked the dreaded question: Why are you single? Unfortunately, its a question that comes up often (like at pretty much every social gathering). Still, figuring out how to answer why are you single? doesnt get any easier.

Even when they follow it up with a compliment like, Because you’re just so great, it doesn’t make the situation any less awkward or annoying. Heres the good news: Ive collected plenty of answer options for you to make that unbearably awkward question a little more bearable.

So the next time someone asks you why youre still single, feel free to use any one of the following expert-approved responses. In an exclusive interview with Elite Daily, marriage and family therapist Nicole Richardson says she encourages people to talk about the things in their lives that they are excited about. If thats your career, then kudos to you. And if the time comes when you do meet someone special, [You] will choose partnership when [you] find someone who values [you] and is willing to put in the same amount of work [you] are.

This is a solid response because youre explaining your needs and expectations from a future partner. The person I’m looking forward [to meeting] is working on having the kind of life they are just as excited about as I am about mine. Richardson tells Elite Daily that if your goal is to find someone who brings more happiness and positive vibes into your world, its tough work.

As Carrie Bradshaw once said on Sex and the City , I like my money right where I can see it hanging in my closet. Richardson tells Elite Daily, I love this [response] and I hope that anyone who says it means it. When you rely on your romantic relationship for your self-esteem, it drains it and sets it on a really unhealthy path.

The truth is, there are often people in our lives that don’t understand us and the life we are building, says Richardson. Again, youre not in a rush to be in a relationship and life is far too short to settle for anything youre not completely happy with. Thomas Edwards, Jr. , Transformational Coach at, tells Elite Daily that he especially likes responses that focus on self-love.

No man shall ever marry ye! This response may even get a laugh out of the person who asks you why youre single. At this point in your life, you may be swimming in the dating pool and having a great time doing it. Dating can be a struggle, and youll likely deal with a lot of frogs before you find the one youre meant to be with.

Richardson says if youre perfectly content with this single stage in your life, embrace it to the fullest. It is wonderful to be bold enough to create the life you want, not everyone is brave enough to do that, she tells Elite Daily. Edwards does make it a point to say, though, I have had plenty of clients who came to me saying they focused on their career and as a result, are having a hard time getting into a relationship.

Hopefully, theyll learn from this and stay quiet next time theyre curious about someones single status. But if you feel like using a clever rebuttal the next time someone makes an encounter awkward by asking you why you’re single because youre just so great, refer to this list.

Why do guys ask why are you still single?

Which means that he is interested in you, and he wants to know if you are in a relationship. Or, “Why are you single?” Which means that he is questioning why you aren’t in a relationship.

What is the reason for singles?

More specifically, men were more likely than women to indicate that they were single in order to be free to flirt around, and because they were not into family making; while women were more likely to indicate that they were single in order to avoid getting hurt, and because they have considered themselves not to be …

Is it rude to ask why someone is single?

Asking someone why they are still single is a popular first date question. But it actually comes with a lot of negative implications. Dating expert Erika Ettin says it suggests there is something wrong with being single, and you should avoid talking about exes at all when you first meet someone new.

There are some questions that really never should be asked aloud: Why havent you been able to find a job? for instance or Are you and so-so ever going to have kids? And of course, theres the classic, Why are you still single?

Seriously, though, I simply havent found the woman wholl inspire me, challenge me and make me smile at the mere thought of her. I tell them: Yes, meaningful companionship is essential but your life shouldnt be any less valuable in the absence of a relationship. Soumia Aziz

I laugh, pause and say, Do you really need to ask that question? Then I prance off and enjoy my carefree, drama-free life. While I hang out with my kids, the other person is responsible for the feelings and whims or their partners. Carla Parczynski White

Having texting and video conferencing at our fingertips, it appears that maintaining a long-distance relationship is easier than ever. Long-distance calls are no longer a luxury; the days when they needed to be rationed are long gone.

Now were no longer even in the days of waiting for our loved ones to check their e-mail when they get home from work. Instant messaging keeps us hooked to each other even when we are out shopping, working, playing, watching a movie and doing much more.

Many long-distance relationships still seem emotionally difficult despite the lack of regular physical proximity. Being able to hold the other persons hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each others touch, taking a walk together, smelling each others hair these small wishes could suddenly mean so much more in a long-distance relationship. According to a Chinese proverb, Real gold is not afraid of the test of fire. Instead of thinking that this long-distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience, the both of you will be bound together even stronger.

By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to. Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should either 1.

You should not let this sort of thing slip by because it will only make your partner extra worried or suspicious and of course, very upset because they will feel powerless or lack control over the situation. After all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally get to meet each other to fulfil all the little things like kissing, holding hands, etc. The atmosphere will be filled with fireworks, glitter bombs, confetti, rainbows, and butterflies.

So that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone, both of you are still motivated to work together in the same direction towards a future that includes one another. You wouldnt want to disturb your partner when they are in the middle of class or halfway through a business meeting. Make sure you are aware of everyones small and big events in their lives, i.e., college midterms and exams, important business trips and meetings, job interviews, etc.

No matter what it isa pendant, a ring, a keychain, a collection of songs and videos, or a perfume bottle. You need a good messaging app on your phones that allows interactions beyond words and emoticons. I find it highly effective because it has a huge reserve of playful and very funny stickers that are free for its users to use.

You need to constantly inject positive energy into the long-distance relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be painful, and you can sometimes feel lonely, but you need to remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be sweet as heaven. Be thankful for the little things, like the hand-made letter that arrived safely in your mailbox the other day.

Knowing small habits of each other helps in developing an understanding and building mutual trust. These advice for long distance relationships will hopefully help you stay strong and cheerful when living apart from one another.

Clearly, some people are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just havent found someone with whom theyre truly compatible. The point of this article isnt to stereotype all single women or men or to put anyone in a box. However, for people, particularly those over 30, who are looking for answers to the puzzling question why am I still single?, here are some unconventional answers that lie within.

After all, others can be cruel; you will get hurt, and no, it isnt always your fault. But the reality is that we hold more power over our romantic destiny than we often think.

To a great degree, we create the world we live in, although we are rarely conscious of this process. We can, in fact, make a choice whether to see our fate through a victimized lens or choose to be goal-directed and take power over our lives. We benefit from focusing on what we can control and not what we cant.

We can become aware of the myriad of ways we influence the reactions we get from others, even the negative reactions. So, the question for the single person looking for love is: what are the internal challenges I need to face? Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships.

With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and becoming defended . This process begins long before we start dating, in our childhoods, when hurtful interactions and dynamics lead us to put up walls or perceive the world through a filter that can negatively impact us as adults. These adaptations can cause us to become increasingly self-protective and closed off.

In our adult relationships, we may resist being too vulnerable or write people off too easily. If, for example, you were raised by parents or caretakers who were negligent or cold, you may grow up feeling distrusting of affection. You may feel suspicious of people who show too much interest in you and instead, you seek out relationships that recreate dynamics from your past.

You may then choose a partner who is aloof or distant. It isnt always easy to see when we have our defenses up. As a result, we tend to blame our singleness on external forces and fail to recognize that we arent as open as we think.

When we act on our defenses, we tend to choose less-than-ideal relationship partners . We may establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting a person who isnt emotionally available. Because this process is largely unconscious, we often blame our partner for the relationships failed outcome.

We tend to feel devastated or hurt by the repeated rejections without recognizing that we are actually seeking out this pattern. Why do we do this? The reasons are complex and often based on our own embedded fears of intimacy .

Many people have an unconscious motivation to seek out relationships that reinforce critical thoughts they have long had toward themselves and replay negative aspects of their childhoods. These may be unpleasant, but breaking with old patterns can cause us a great deal of anxiety and discomfort and make us feel strangely alien and alone in a more loving environment. Our fears of parting with the image we developed of ourselves early on and starting to see ourselves in a more positive light paradoxically make us feel uneasy and may trigger self-attacking thoughts like, Who do you think you are?

Youre not that great. These fears may cause us to hold on to relationships without potential or to feel attracted to people who arent really available, because they reinforce our negative image of ourselves, which feels more comfortable and familiar, albeit painful. In this Webinar: Being single can be circumstantial. A lot of people dont want a relationship or just havent found the right person

As my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone , wrote in his article You Dont Want What You Say You Want , Most of us profess that we want to find a loving partner, but the experience of real love disrupts fantasies of love that have served as a survival mechanism since early childhood Pushing away and punishing the beloved acts to preserve ones negative self-image and reduces anxiety. Our fears surrounding intimacy may manifest as concerns over someone liking us too much, an understandably irrational reason not to date a person. Or we may punish the other person by being critical, even engaging in nasty behavior, essentially making sure we dont get the loving responses we say we want.

The reality is that most people can only tolerate a certain amount of closeness. We are defended about letting someone else in. In effect, on a deeper level, we dont necessarily want the love we say we want.

Our own defenses often leave us feeling pickier and more judgmental. This is particularly true after weve had bad experiences, where we were deceived or rejected by a person for whom we had strong feelings. Many women start to have thoughts like, There are no decent men out there or All the good ones are taken. Men may have thoughts like, You cant trust a women or Women are all out to take advantage of you. We may have unrealistic expectations for a partner or pinpoint weaknesses from the moment we meet someone.

When viewing the world from critical or distrusting eyes, we tend to write off a range of potential partners before even giving them a chance. We think of dating certain people as settling without ever seeing how that person could make us happy in the long-term. A friend of mine felt closed off to a man who pursued her for more than a year.

Although she saw him as kind, funny and smart, she convinced herself that he was too into her. She said he was too needy and was sure he would wind up getting hurt by her. She often stated that she just wasnt attracted to him. The men she was drawn to instead tended to be unreliable and emotionally distant.

At her friends insistence, she finally agreed to go on a date with the man whod been pursuing her. What she found, to her surprise, was a high-level relationship choice, a partner with whom she shared a great deal of mutual interest, and, ultimately, genuine love. What hers and so many similar stories show us is that when we think we are settling for someone, we may not be settling at all.

We may actually find ourselves in a relationship that is so much more rewarding than those we have experienced. Ironically, initially we tend not to trust the people who really like us, but when we give them a chance, we find that weve chosen someone who values us for who we really are, someone who can really make us happy. So many people Ive spoken to have expressed the same sentiment.

They believe they want a fulfilling relationship more than anything, but they believe even more firmly that no one worthwhile would be interested in them. We all possess critical inner voices that tell us we are too fat, too ugly, too old or too different. When we listen to these voices, we engage in behaviors that push people away.

When we remain single, it is not for the reasons that were telling ourselves. Our lack of confidence leaves us giving off signals of not being open, creating a catch 22 in the realm of dating. Many people even have trouble leaving the house when theyre really down on themselves, let alone pursuing situations where they are likely to meet potential partners.

Some struggle to make eye contact or are reluctant to scan the room for who they might be attracted to. When they are drawn to someone, they may fail to pursue their strongest attractions for lack of self-esteem. A lack of self-esteem often leads to fears of competing.

Its easy to put ourselves down in relation to others, especially when it comes to dating. When we meet someone we like, its all too easy to think, He/she could do better. When we see that someone else is interested in the person we like, we may be quick to back away. We may feel unwilling to compete, particularly as we get older, and we start to have self-attacks like Your time has passed, youre too old for this. Our fears of competition can lead us to avoid putting ourselves out there.

We may be afraid of looking like a fool or of not being chosen. We may even have fears about winning the competition, thinking we will hurt the other persons feelings or that our success will result in aggression from the loser. The simple truth is: dating is competitive.

It is scary to take a chance and go for what we want and compete, but when we do, we most often find it is well worth it to face our fears. We end up with a stronger sense of self, and we increase our chances of creating a relationship with the partner we really desire. With age, people tend to retreat further and further into their comfort zones.

Modern women are more and more successful, accomplished and self-sufficient, which are all extremely positive developments. Yet as both men and women get more comfortable, be it financially or practically, it is also easier for them to form a bubble from which it is difficult to emerge. It can feel harder to take risks or put themselves out there.

After a long days work, many of us may feel more like putting on pajamas and crawling into bed than going out into the uncertain and anxiety-provoking world of meeting people. The encouragement we feel to stay home or stay safe often comes from our critical inner voice. This inner coach offers self-soothing words, Just stay in tonight and relax.

Youre fine on your own. Have a glass of wine. Watch that show you like. The problem with this voice is that it later turns on you with thoughts like, What a loser you are, home alone again.

Youll be lonely the rest of your life. Youre not getting any younger! No one will be attracted to you. Many of the activities we use to comfort ourselves actually make us feel bad in the end, as they result in us avoiding pursuing what we really want in life.

Its important to resist falling into a comfort zone and to repeatedly challenge the influence of our critical inner voice. We should take action and make an effort to get out into the world, smile, make eye contact and let friends know we are looking for someone. We should try new activities and even try dating diverse people as a means to discover new parts of ourselves and what makes us happy.

As years pass, we often develop rulebooks for ourselves regarding dating. In effect, we put what we have learned down on paper, but what looks good on paper doesnt always work in real life. When we act on rules based on our past, we can create a perpetual cycle of disappointing relationships.

A woman I know once dated someone with whom she had amazing chemistry. When it didnt work out, she decided to stop looking for a guy she felt a strong connection with or attraction to. Instead, she made reasonable choices, and as a result, she found far less satisfying relationships.

Its important not to make fixed rules or to buy into other peoples rules when it comes to dating. Staying open is one of the most important things we can do when looking for a loving partner. Yes, we might get hurt but when we stop taking risks, we reduce our chances of meeting someone we could really have a future with.

Relationship rules tend to go hand-in-hand with game-playing. They can lead us to act with less sincerity and authenticity, to close ourselves off from how we feel. On the other hand, staying open and honest will lead us to find a much more authentic and substantial relationship.

Seeking love isnt an easy quest, but its always best to take this journey on our own side. Its important to fight the patterns inside us that hold us back from getting what we want. We cant shield ourselves from the world or keep ourselves from getting hurt.

We all carry flaws, and these vulnerabilities are especially apparent when getting close to one another. Thus, achieving intimacy is a brave battle, but it is one well-worth fighting for, each and every day, both within ourselves and, ultimately, within our relationships. Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. Dr. Lisa Firestone is the Director of Research and Education at The Glendon Association .

An accomplished and much requested lecturer, Dr. Firestone speaks at national and international conferences in the areas of couple relations, parenting, and suicide and violence prevention. Dr. Firestone has published numerous professional articles, and most recently was the co-author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships (APA Books, 2006), Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice (New Harbinger, 2002), Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion: The Wisdom of Psychotherapy (APA Books, 2003) and The Self Under Siege (Routledge, 2012). Follow Dr. Firestone on Twitter or Google .

Why Is It So Hard to Leave a Narcissist? Is There a Place for Constructive Anger in Your Relationship? Accepting Good Enough Friends and Partners Tags: being single , do what you love , fear of intimacy , intimacy issues , learn to love , living single , making love last , relationship advice , relationship issues , romantic relationships , wrong relationship choices

I’m focusing on my career.”

In an exclusive interview with Elite Daily, marriage and family therapist Nicole Richardson says she encourages “people to talk about the things in their lives that they are excited about.” If that’s your career, then kudos to you. And if the time comes when you

I’m just not settling.”

This is a solid response because you’re explaining your needs and expectations from a future partner. For example, Richardson suggests saying something along the lines of, “I’m just not into settling. The person I’m looking forward [to meeting] is working on having the kind of life they are just as excited about as I am about mine.”Richardson tells Elite Daily that if your goal is to find someone who brings more happiness and positive vibes into your world, it’s tough work. It calls for you to be more “selective” and not settle for anything less, but the result is well worth it.

Honestly, being single is really fun.”

Richardson says if you’re perfectly content with this single stage in your life, embrace it to the fullest. “No one can make you happy but you. It is wonderful to be bold enough to create the life you want, not everyone is brave enough to do that,” she tells Elite Daily.

That’s a bold question.”

There’s no rule saying that you have to answer their question. You can simply comment on their decision to ask it. Hopefully, they’ll learn from this and stay quiet next time they’re curious about someone’s single status.

alertarticles.infoHello, my name is Silva. This is my blog about knowledge. People email me some interesting questions about life, riddles, relationships, and more and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. You will find all the knowledge of the world here!