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Why Does My Ex Contact Me When He’s Married?

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I have an ex boyfriend that occasionally contacts me (maybe 3 times a year). We were together in our early twenties (now were close to 40). I have no doubt we would have stayed together but immaturity got in the way. If you’ve ever been with someone and you knew they were the one…that was us. He is married now and has been for a while. I am not married. I never initiate conversations simply out of respect for his wife. I mean…we were never “just friends” so I feel a little weird talking to him. His most recent contact was on Valentine’s Day when he e-mailed me twice. He was asking what I was up to, why he hasn’t heard from me, etc. I didn’t reply. Last summer he suggested we have lunch. He says his marriage is great but I just can’t help but to wonder if it’s so good why he’s staying in contact with me. I kind of feel like he doesn’t want to lose contact with me so he checks in from time to time but I don’t know. Seriously, is it just me thinking too much about this or is there something behind his behavior?

Why does a married ex reach out?

Even though your ex broke up with you, the reaching out is an indication there’s a part of them that misses you – even if they don’t say that in their message or call. What it doesn’t necessarily mean, is that they want to get back together.

Is it OK to talk to your ex while married?

Talking to an ex while married may seem like a harmless proposition. But given that you have a history with them and may still have some unresolved feelings toward them, it’s best not to. Things can escalate quickly, putting your marriage in jeopardy.

Can I text my married ex?

Why We Feel The Urge to Text an Ex. But according to the psychotherapist, there’s only one way to truly let go of our ex: dating. … Try dating again when you’re ready, and in the meantime, it’s fine to stay in touch with your ex via text; just make sure they aren’t rejecting you or causing you any pain.

Can I be friends with my married ex?

The truth is, marriage shouldn’t be the dealbreaker. If you had a healthy friendship with your ex when you were in a serious relationship, the fact that you’re saying vows shouldn’t change that. … Sometimes, being friends with an ex is totally natural.

Seeing your ex-boyfriend move on, find a new partner, get engaged, and eventually get married can be a personal emotional rollercoaster, especially if you still care about him.

Seeing your ex-boyfriend move on, find a new partner, get engaged , and eventually get married can be a personal emotional rollercoaster, especially if you still care about him. But, still being in your ex-boyfriends life as a friend or work colleague, youve noticed lately certain behaviors and signs that make you feel that hes not as done with your relationship as you thought he was.

One of the clearest signs that your married ex isnt over you yet is whether or not they like bringing up your shared history. Simply put, a happy man wants to live in the present and think about the future with his current partner. But if theres a certain lingering in his heart for the time when you two were together, youll see it in whether he chooses to talk about it or not.

No matter how cool and collected you are when youre completely sober, alcohol can break all those barriers down. So if youve ever received a drunk call in the middle of the night from your married ex-boyfriend, it doesnt matter what they say theyre not over you. The simple fact that you are the topic in his head when all his walls are down just goes to show how much he still thinks and cares about you , and wishes that his current reality was different.

Now this point may seem counterintuitive: if hes talking about his wife all the time, then that means hes obsessed over her, right? Theres a tiny (but perhaps growing) part of him that believes he made the wrong choice, and he tries to live vicariously in the alternate reality where he chose you not his wife by telling you everything thats going on. As an adult with a full, busy, married, and employed life, there isnt really much room or time for anything outside of your schedule.

Youve got a daily and weekly routine: you go to the grocery store on Mondays, the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays, maybe a church or reading group on Sundays, and you always walk the same route at the same time for your dog. While it may be a coincidence to some degree, you have to be honest with yourself: after a few dozen accidental bumps, hes got to be doing it on purpose. Maybe you two had a bad history and he knows you wouldnt be good together officially, but that doesnt mean he wants you out of his life.

Firstly, no one outside a marriage should be aware of the delicate issues going on between the couple; its a betrayal of trust and intimacy between husband and wife. He didnt respect his lines with his wife, and he values his shared bond with you more than his actual marriage. Because if he does want to do it, he wouldnt want to increase the chances of him getting caught by telling other people about it.

Now every time you two might have a heated interaction together, he wants you to know that kissing you and getting in bed with you isnt something he would turn away. And he knows that it adds an extra level of spice to your relationship, now that hes a married man. When you find yourself in a committed relationship, other people especially ex-partners shouldnt really be your concern anymore.

Which is one reason why your ex-boyfriend might not be talking to you anymore since he doesnt want to raise any red flags for his wife and look like hes up to something. He loves staying privy to your life, even if he never seems to talk to you himself. On the occasions that you do talk, you cant help but notice that he seems to have a clear understanding of whats happened to you after you guys stopped seeing each other.

Maybe hes just a naturally curious (and gossipy) guy in which case there isnt really a cause for worry. He talks about how you and his wife are similar and hints at your shared qualities as the reason why he likes both of you; joking about having a type. On the other hand, he could also be badmouthing his wife and highlighting your good qualities as if to say Wouldnt it have been nice if I married you instead?

Hes talking you up and making you feel like you are much better than his wife, and consequently better suited to him than she is. Drunk calls and texts are pretty much the bachelors move. Although this has never been dignified, having a single ex drunk call or text you is pretty excusable.

The fact that he drunk called or texted you specifically means that theres something on his mind. Things that happened years ago are still clearly burning a hole in his mind and he cant help but talk to you about it. From trying to find solutions to reliving the blame game, hes happy to revisit the past and talk about unresolved issues as if you guys were still in a relationship and youre actively trying to fix things.

Its almost as if he wants you to know that hes a changed man and that hes ready to support you in the relationship in ways he couldnt before. He cant help but feel possessive over you and it probably drives him a little crazy knowing theres nothing he can actually do about it. He might act protective and overly interested in your love affairs, giving you advice that you didnt even ask for.

Whether it shows up in good or bad ways, his feelings about you are pretty transparent. At this point, he shouldnt really care about whats going on in your life but he cant help but try and be involved in one way or another. You ended on good terms, you even know his wife and are friendly with her, and yet he avoids you like the plague.

Seeing you is enough for odd feelings to rise to the surface and he doesnt want to deal with that. If he makes sure his wife is always there when youre there, it might be his way of reminding himself that hes a married man. As attracted as he is to you, he wants to stay committed to the union by bringing his wife around.

He might not be blunt and openly tell you that hes still in love with you, especially not if hes looking to keep his marriage healthy. From the stolen sideways glances to the seemingly innocent touches, you clearly have some effect on him more than hed like to admit. Looking at a persons body language is a great way to understand what they really mean.

These non-verbal cues often speak louder than words and are revelatory of things you otherwise wouldnt have known. Because youre too close to the situation, you cant help but deny your exs behavior and chuck it up to a random chance. Nobody wants to be a homewrecker, and can you really trust a man who cheats on his wife, no matter what he might be saying?

Or you might decide that its time to completely drop him out of your life, simply because you dont want to be the person who ended a marriage. Want to learn the real reason why men pull away from emotionally committing in a relationship? This eBook has everything you need to know about the predictable patterns that make a man fall in love.

Long story short…very casual ex who is a complete dog texted me for a booty call 8 days before his October wedding. I told him to bugger off and don’t contact me again. Yesterday, I get a text from him wishing me a Merry Christmas, asking how I am doing and offering me help “in any way” when he learned I had quit my job. Why is HE still bothering with me when a) he is the one who has “moved on” and has a new, attractive wife b) he always made it clear I was not “good enough” to ever be considered marriage material (he’s wealthy; I am not, but in my defense I am well-educated, attractive and well-spoken) and, c) I told him I was not, and would never be interested in having an affair with a married man (bad karma). So what is he looking for (or, more generally, why would a newly married man continue to contact an ex that he never really cared about and was never very nice to)?? I don’t for one second believe he feels any remorse for treating me or his new wife with such disrespect so that is definitely not why he got in touch again. And yes, I know I should not even respond to his texts but I am usually so surprised to hear from him (his MO all along was that he would “pop up” after 2 or 3 months of silence) that I am curious as to what he wants. Up until his wedding, I knew what he was after (not that I understood it…after all, who marries someone that they want to cheat on before they even walk down the aisle?) But now, particularly since I was so clear and adamant that I am not interested in anything he has to offer now that he is married, what could he possibly want? Is this an ego, control thing to make himself feel better that I am still around and that (he thinks) I have not yet “moved on” or is he suffering from a (highly unlikely) case of “Don’t know what you got till it’s gone” blues? Thoughts? Thanks!

He’s nostalgic about the past

One of the clearest signs that your married ex isn’t over you yet is whether or not they like bringing up your shared history.A man who has moved on doesn’t have the time for the past; he doesn’t think about it, he doesn’t reminisce over it, and he doesn’t want to remember it.Perhaps he regrets that he messed up in your relationship, and he can’t stop thinking about what a bad mistake it was.Simply put, a happy man wants to live in the present and think about the future with his current partner.But if there’s a certain lingering in his heart for the time when you two were together, you’ll see it in whether he chooses to talk about it or not.Maybe he even tries to make the bad times seem less bad than they actually were, talking about how silly your fights used to be, or how better the two of you are now (implying that the relationship could work now if you gave it a second chance).Why does he do this?A part of him might just want to reminisce and long for that Golden Age when he was with you.
But another part of him might actually be trying to see how you feel about it; if you miss the relationship as much as he does, and if so, what you two are going to do about it.

He’s always talking about his wife

Now this point may seem counterintuitive: if he’s talking about his wife all the time, then that means he’s obsessed over her, right?While this may be true in some cases, there are other cases where it isn’t.Instead of revealing his obsession over her, it reveals his obsession over keeping you in his life, even when discussing his most intimate and private details.He may not know it for himself, but he still can’t get over you.He wants to know your thoughts and feelings over everything going on in his life because he cares about your feelings more than he cares about his own wife’s.There’s a tiny (but perhaps growing) part of him that believes he made the wrong choice, and he tries to live vicariously in the alternate reality where he chose you — not his wife — by telling you everything that’s going on.

He’s constantly bumping into you

You’ve got a daily and weekly routine: you go to the grocery store on Mondays, the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays, maybe a church or reading group on Sundays, and you always walk the same route at the same time for your dog.We’re creatures of habits and routines; it’s just the way we best function.And your ex is constantly bumping into you.
Even if your lives are no longer intertwined, you can’t go a week without seeing him at least once or a few times.While it may be a coincidence to some degree, you have to be honest with yourself: after a few dozen accidental bumps, he’s got to be doing it on purpose.Why?He misses you, even if he won’t say it.He loves your presence, even if he can’t express it.Maybe you two had a bad history and he knows you wouldn’t be good together “officially”, but that doesn’t mean he wants you out of his life.

He always asks about you

When you find yourself in a committed relationship, other people — especially ex-partners — shouldn’t really be your concern anymore.Which is one reason why your ex-boyfriend might not be talking to you anymore since he doesn’t want to raise any red flags for his wife and look like he’s up to something.
But he can’t help himself from asking your mutual friends about you.You’ve heard it from all your friends — he wants to know what you’ve been up to, if you’re dating anyone new, if you’ve got a new job or if you’re on the market for a new boyfriend.He loves staying privy to your life, even if he never seems to talk to you himself. The simple truth is he’s not over you, but he’s too much of a gentleman to let anyone know.

He compares you to his wife

And he does it in both good and bad ways.He talks about how you and his wife are similar and hints at your shared qualities as the reason why he likes both of you; joking about having a “type”.It could be anything from the way you talk or dress down to more intimate details.On the other hand, he could also be badmouthing his wife and highlighting your good qualities as if to say “Wouldn’t it have been nice if I married you instead?”He complains about his wife all the while uplifting you.Ultimately, he’s not just venting about a bad marriage.He’s talking you up and making you feel like you are much better than his wife, and consequently better suited to him than she is.

He drunks calls/texts you

This one is a no brainer.Drunk calls and texts are pretty much the bachelor’s move.Although this has never been dignified, having a single ex drunk call or text you is pretty excusable.Maybe you’re on their mind and they’re just trying to get over some stuff.But if your married ex sends you half-lucid texts and voicemails, there’s a good chance this has more to do with the overconsumption of alcohol.
Drunks calls and texts are a great excuse to get in touch with someone you ought not to be in touch with, and it’s not any different just because he’s married.He’s using the drunkenness as an excuse to get in touch. Even if he denies it, the motivation is still clear.The fact that he drunk called or texted you specifically means that there’s something on his mind.He’s pretty much testing you to see if you’ll bite the bullet.

He talks about your unresolved issues

For some reason, your ex has never achieved closure.Even now that he’s married, he’s still striking conversations about past mistakes.Things that happened years ago are still clearly burning a hole in his mind and he can’t help but talk to you about it.From trying to find solutions to reliving the blame game, he’s happy to revisit the past and talk about unresolved issues as if you guys were still in a relationship and you’re actively trying to fix things.It’s almost as if he wants you to know that he’s a changed man and that he’s ready to support you in the relationship in ways he couldn’t before.The fact that he keeps bringing it up is more than just mental exercise.Ultimately, he’s not over you and wants to see if this is something you could explore together once more.

He’s jealous of other men

He doesn’t like seeing you with other men, plain and simple.
When you’re around mutual friends, he gets visibly annoyed when someone is a little flirty with you.He can’t help but feel possessive over you and it probably drives him a little crazy knowing there’s nothing he can actually do about it.So instead of confronting you directly, his jealousy shows in other ways.He might try to put himself between you and prospective partners and “warn them” about you.He might act protective and overly interested in your love affairs, giving you advice that you didn’t even ask for.He might ask you to keep him in the loop so he can “take care of you”.He might stalk you on social media and try to badmouth the guys that you’re seeing.Whether it shows up in good or bad ways, his feelings about you are pretty transparent.At this point, he shouldn’t really care about what’s going on in your life but he can’t help but try and be involved in one way or another.

He avoids interactions with you

You ended on good terms, you even know his wife and are friendly with her, and yet he avoids you like the plague.He avoids every opportunity to be in the same room as you.When you see him walking the same direction, you know that he’ll instantly pivot around.
Whenever there are social occasions where you’d both be in the same room, it’s almost as if he does his best to avoid anything that has to do with you.At first glance, it may seem like he’s still mad and bitter about you.In truth, he might be doing himself (and his marriage) a favor by avoiding you completely.Seeing you is enough for odd feelings to rise to the surface and he doesn’t want to deal with that.So instead of having to confront those feelings, he does what he can to avoid interactions with you.After all, out of sight, out of mind.

His body language speaks for itself

He might not be blunt and openly tell you that he’s still in love with you, especially not if he’s looking to keep his marriage healthy.However, he tells you in other ways.From the stolen sideways glances to the seemingly innocent touches, you clearly have some effect on him more than he’d like to admit.Looking at a person’s body language is a great way to understand what they really mean.These non-verbal cues often speak louder than words and are revelatory of things you otherwise wouldn’t have known.How does your ex act around you?Does he act flustered, easily frustrated?Do his pupils dilate when he’s talking to you?Does he subconsciously mimic you and pattern his behavior after yours?These are things you could look into to understand whether your ex is just being friendly or something else entirely.

Your friends tell you about it

Deny it all you want but your friends see the same thing.
Because you’re too close to the situation, you can’t help but deny your ex’s behavior and chuck it up to a random chance.But your friends know better than you.They see how your ex interacts with you versus how he interacts with other people, including his wife.If they say something is up, take it as a precaution and realize that maybe something is up.There is all the more reason to be suspicious if his friends keep hinting at you about it too.

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